


The Liar

by aMUSEment345



Category: Criminal Minds (US TV)
Genre: Angst, Friendship, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-15
Updated: 2018-06-15
Packaged: 2019-05-23 21:25:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,874
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14941679
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aMUSEment345/pseuds/aMUSEment345
Summary: One shot. Post-ep episode 8X17, The Gathering. JJ catches up to Reid as he leaves the BAU.





	The Liar

**The Liar**

_**Post-ep episode 8X17, The Gathering. One shot. Needed to stretch. Odd mood. Odd story. But I caught the end of the episode tonight, and this is where it took me.** _

"Hey, Spence! Spence, wait up!"

She ran to catch up with him in the lobby. Having missed him at the elevator, she'd run down the six flights of stairs….in heels.

The object of her plea slowed his step, but he didn't turn around. JJ hurried to get in front of him, turning to face him, effectively stopping his progress.

She panted as she looked up at her best friend. "Whew….you're quick when you want to be!" Giving him her brightest smile, in a vain effort to procure one from him.

"Do you need something?"

Curt, but polite. JJ was taken aback. She was usually the one who could draw him out, get him talking, render comfort. That's what she'd intended to do this evening. But, now…she wasn't so sure.

"Well….no. I don't. I just….." Trying to think quickly, failing, and falling back on an 'old reliable'.

"I just wanted to see if you wanted to come to dinner."

His eyes had been largely trained over her head, but he lowered them quickly enough to make brief contact with hers.

"Not tonight." Then, as though remembering himself, "Thanks anyway."

JJ hoped that her dismay wasn't showing on her face, but then realized that he wasn't really looking at her anyway.

"Are you sure? Henry would…"

He spoke right over her. "I'm sure. Thanks."

When he moved a few inches to the side, she realized he intended to make his way around her. It was so unlike Reid to be anything but gracious with her that she had trouble processing it. She had almost no frame of reference for this.  _Almost_. Except for that time after Emily had rejoined the team. That time, he'd completely avoided her, until she'd pressed the issue

She could have let it go, then, just as she could choose to let it go now. But it wasn't in her nature. Letting things go, leaving them unresolved, had cost her, more than she could ever have imagined. It had cost her family. It had cost them  _Rosaline_. And she wasn't about to let it cost her a second time. Not when that 'cost' was her best friend.

So she asked, as she had before. "Can we talk?"

"I really need to get home, JJ."

_All right. Technically, that wasn't a 'no'._

"Well, okay, I'll walk you to your car then."

"You don't have to." But he'd started forward again, and she was already walking beside him.

His gaze had been so distant, it had felt almost like he was looking right through her. And she wasn't at all accustomed to that. Now, walking beside him, JJ found solace in not having to meet his eyes directly.

_Might as well go for it._  "Are you angry with me?"

"No." Said way too quickly.

"You are. I can tell. But, why?"

He just kept walking, keeping the 'why' to himself.

She pushed again. "Is it because I told Hotch? Because he  _asked_ , Spence. I couldn't very well not tell him." Both she and Morgan had given their reports on what had taken place at the swimming pool.

He kept walking, and as fit as she was, she was having trouble keeping up with his long stride. JJ realized she would have to pull out her trump card.

"I'm glad you're not a liar."

_That_  got a response. Reid stopped abruptly, and turned to face her.

"What did you say?"

She heard the challenge in his voice, as much as she heard the plea.

"I said, I'm glad you're not a liar."

She could see him biting his cheeks as he struggled with his response.

"You heard me talking to Hotch."

She was quick to placate. "I wasn't eavesdropping, honestly, Spence. I was just coming down from talking to Garcia, and I couldn't help but overhear. You were the only two in the bullpen."

He shook his head, and the movement spread to his shoulders, as though he was trying to shake it off.

"It doesn't matter. It happened, and I can't change it."

JJ tried to ignore his tone of voice and concentrate on the fact that he was, at last, talking to her.

"You're right, you can't change it. But you don't have to  _bear_  it, Spence."

For the first time, his eyes fully met hers, the first sign that she'd really penetrated his defenses. His next words made it clear that he was listening.

"What does that mean?"

_Help me, okay_? "It means that you tried, and something happened, and there was an outcome. But you weren't the only person there, and you shouldn't burden yourself with the responsibility for what happened. The unsub played a pretty big role in that, wouldn't you say?"

He pondered for a moment, and it looked to JJ like much of his steam had been spent. She began to recognize the man in front of her again.

"But…I got it  _wrong,_  JJ. Just like I did before…. how many times? At the cost of how many lives?"

It oozed from him, such was the depth of his distress. Even if it hadn't been evident in his features, or his words, or the tone of his voice. It was like a plasma that surrounded him, and reached across the small divide, to touch her.

The sensation silenced her, for a moment, sent her to prayer yet again.  _Please, I don't want to say the wrong thing. Please._

"Spence, I know you know this. You aren't responsible for the choices other people make, just like they're not responsible for yours."

Looking at him, she knew right away that her prayer hadn't been answered. His face was a visage of self-mockery.

"You mean, like when I  _chose_  to tell the truth to an unsub, and he chose to kill himself? Or do you mean when I  _lied_  to an unsub, and  _she_  killed someone?"

He hadn't finished the sentence, but He hadn't needed to. They'd both heard itanyway. ' _Someone I loved_.'

JJ laid a hand on his arm. "Spence…"

He shook her off, and it was as though he'd slapped her. "Don't."

She was so thrown that it took her a moment to recover. In that time, Reid had already resumed his stride toward the parking lot.

She hurried to catch up with him again.

"Spence, "…..trying to walk sideways and talk with him at the same time, "it wasn't your fault. Diane wouldn't have believed it anyway. She would have done what she did, no matter what. She just wanted  _you_  to carry the burden. It was part of  _her_  pathology, not yours."

He just shook his head, and kept walking.

And she kept side-stepping, and trying to get through to him.

"I meant what I said before. It's not in your nature to lie. I heard what you said to Hotch. You tried lying, and it didn't work, so you tried telling the truth."

"And  _that_  didn't work either."

"It didn't, but that wasn't your  _fault_ , Spence! I _know_ you know that! It's happened before, and it will probably happen again. That goes for  _all_  of us."

She could almost see the fight go out of him. He stopped moving and turned to face her again.

"What do I do, JJ? What's right? Do I lie? Do I tell the truth? Or do I just give up and leave the FBI?"

She immediately chastised herself, because it hadn't even occurred to her.  _Stupid, stupid, stupid! Why didn't you realize he would think about leaving?_

Her response was immediate, emotional, and totally unfiltered. "No! No, Spence! You can't leave the FBI!"

He'd been caught off guard by her vehemence, just as she had been.

"Why not?"

_This_ reply wasn't so immediate, because she was desperately searching for the words.

"Because…because…because you're good at what you do. You  _are_."  _And because I need you._  Seeing that he was about to protest. "Spence, we deal with people who aren't mentally stable. We try different things, and sometimes we win one. I don't think your track record is any worse than anyone else's."

"But.."

"But, it was  _Maeve_. I know. The price was too high, and you shouldn't have had to pay it. Nor should she.  _No one_  should have had to go through that."

"If only….."

Now it was JJ shaking her head. "No. There's no 'if only'. You aren't a _liar_ , Spence. You're sincere, and caring, and genuine. It isn't in your makeup to lie. It  _wasn't."_

He took it the wrong way. "Do you think, if I'd told Diane the truth….."

Shaking her head again. "No! I told you before, she would have done it anyway. Whether your words had been truth or lie, it would have happened. And  _you_  were not responsible for that."

He'd filled up, annoyingly, as he always did, just thinking about it. He had to swallow before he could answer.

"Do you think….. should I have told  _Maeve_  the truth? Because I didn't. I told her that I didn't love her."

JJ smiled now, and placed a hand over his heart. "You told her the truth, Spence. Not everything has to be said in words. Maeve knew." Looking for his reaction, seeing just the slightest hint of relief in his eyes, she continued. "Trust me. We have our ways. She knew."

It looked like an opportunity to move in for the goal, so JJ asked again.

"Are you sure you don't want to come for dinner? Henry would love it. You know you're always welcome at Chateau LaMontagne."

He closed his eyes for just a split second before sending her a look that was as full of sadness and regret as it was of gratitude.

_Maybe, sometimes, it's appropriate to lie, no? As you just did?_

Gently, he declined. "Thanks. But I'm beat. I think I just need to go home and get some rest."

JJ understood emotional exhaustion as well as anyone. She wouldn't begrudge her best friend his repose. Nor his privacy.

"All right. I guess I knew that's what you 'd want to do. But I just want to make sure that you believe me when I say this: You're the most honest person I know. By  _far_  the most genuine. It suits you. And I value that above anything else. I hope that you do, too. Teling the truth isn't wrong, Spence."

Even as the words passed her lips, she had to actively push away images of Paris, and war-torn Afghanistan, and a godforsaken industrial basement. And a white stick, with two pink lines.

And  _he_  pushed away images of medication vials, and flowery letters to an institution in Las Vegas. But he  _couldn't_ push away the image of the two women, lying side by side, eyes unseeing, life's blood flowing together into a single pool.

Still, he wouldn't share any of those things with the woman before him, best friend or not. Maybe he couldn't.

Maybe truth could wait just another moment longer.

"I  _do_  believe you, JJ. Thanks."


End file.
